If you’re a Laker fan, go see your doctor.
Your blood pressure is high. You have new crease lines on your forehead from shock. You have whiplash from shaking your head in disbelief.
This offseason has been heart pounding. It has been eyebrow raising. It has been jarring.
LeBron James stunned the world by leaving the Lakers in free agency after eight seasons.
The Lakers left everyone crossing their fingers after mortgaging their future on Walker Kessler, whom they acquired in a sign-and-trade from Utah on a four-year, $130 million deal, sending out unprotected first round picks in 2031 and 2033 alongside pick swaps in 2028 and 2030.
Then Mark Walter sent shockwaves through the sports universe by selling the Lakers to former Disney CEO Bob Iger and venture capitalist Josh Kushner just 10 months after buying the team.
The encore came on Monday.
Within a few-hour stretch, Laker fans had to digest the news that the Buss family was selling their 17.8% stake in the franchise to the team’s new owners after a 47-year reign, only to quickly learn that Jeanie Buss was waging war against her siblings to block the deal and remain the team’s governor.
Check on your friends who are Laker fans.
They’re not okay.
Just ask Laker superfan Flea, the founding member and bassist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Flea, whose real name is Michael Peter Balzary, took to X on Monday to lament what has been one of the most wild offseasons in Laker history, if not the wildest.
“Oh lakers, I just wanna get lost in the transcendent and telepathic communal cosmos of the orange bouncing ball why do you do [this] to me,” he wrote.
It’s a fair question.
This offseason has been so drama-filled that it’s almost comical. At this point, this isn’t sports. It’s satire.
And it’s far from over.
The board of governors still has to approve the sale from Walter to Iger and Kushner.
What’s going to happen with Jeanie Buss?
Meanwhile, the basketball side of things is at a standstill. These major pending pieces essentially stunt the franchise from taking care of much-needed offseason business, such as building out the front office and revamping the data and analytics department.
How about the players?
This is a lot of drama for Luka Doncic, who’s preparing for his inauguration as the sole torch bearer for Laker fans’ championship dreams.
He’s hosting a four-day mini camp in Slovenia this week to try to build team chemistry, including paying for all of his teammates’ expenses during the trip. While Doncic and Austin Reaves will be lovingly teasing each other and trying to build rapport with their new teammates, there’s static blaring in the background.
There’s so many unknowns. So much movement. So much chaos.
Sure, Lakers players and fans are used to drama. The franchise is under the brightest spotlight of all 30 teams in the NBA. They’ve had some of the league’s biggest stars, including Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Magic Johnson, Kobe Bryant and James. They’ve won 17 championships. They’re always under the most powerful of microscopes.
But this offseason is an aberration.
Even for the Lakers, the drama has been eye popping. It has been relentless. It has been unnerving.
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The Lakers have gone from being the darlings of the NBA to degenerating into tabloid fodder. They’re on the front page. Their makeup is smeared. They’re wide-eyed. They’re entrenched in scandal.
It has been a doozy for Laker fans.
The Lakers were supposed to turn a new page this summer.
Instead, they blew up the script, leaving everyone reeling.